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| The Glitter Globe/S.R. Karfelt |
Dementia feels contagious.
You train your brain with input,
right? After a long stint wandering the halls of dementia, it takes a concerted
effort to escape it. For instance, after spending the day with Gummy, when she’s
deep into her “I’m living at Burger King they call it Memory Care now,” I’ve
actually referred to the nurses as, “Gummy’s co-workers.” I’d like to pretend I
was humoring her, but it’d be a lie.
Sometimes I come home and shut out
the lights and sit in the dark. It’s sort of a sensory deprivation thing.
(Other than rescue kitty standing outside the window yowling.)
I’m fine, just fine.
Most of the time I handle it pretty
well. I love her. I enjoy being with her. If I occasionally cry picking out underwear
for her at Target, just keep moving.
It’s not the only thing, but…
When someone complains about how they
had to work an extra hour, or how the car they want costs too much, or how hard
it is to get costumer service on the phone, I’m making sympathetic sounds but
inside my head I’m screaming, BUT YOU
HAVE YOUR FACULTIES INTACT DON’T YOU, STFU! SEIZE THE DAY! CARPE DIEM! ENJOY
EVERY SECOND! THEY’RE EVAPORATING!
Not that I don’t agree with you about
the little difficulties in life. Why just today I asked Panera for extra olives
on my salad and only got four olives. So I feel your pain.
I take Gummy to see her doctor,
because she’s lightheaded and half-fainting all the time, plus her back hurts,
her legs won’t work, her nose is stuffed up, etc. etc. (Gummy rehashes her woes
all the way to the medical offices) but when they ask her how she is, she’s
forgotten and says, “Can’t complain, I’m fine! My memory is good. Everyone says
I have a good memory.” Sometimes I roll my eyes so HARD that I worry the
ligaments could detach.
Existential Crisis. Because you can’t
look someone with dementia/Alzheimer’s in the eyes very often without
wondering, where do they go? If you contemplate that for long things start to
crumble and you start watching a lot of Bill Nye on YouTube, and Jenna Marbles.
You’ve always watched a lot of Neil deGrasse Tyson, so that doesn’t count. If you
don’t get that, maybe you’re not having an existential crisis.
Economics is the bottom line. The way
the world works. Blah, blah, blah. I suppose if we step back and look at how
old and infirm people are treated in third world countries (I’m thinking lying
in the streets with no legs, begging), then the fact that people with memory
loss often aren’t cared for properly in our first world country, isn’t a shock.
But, hey economics-is-the-bottom-line-world,
I’m disappointed in you.
Capitalism. Ditto. We’re talking
about a generation of people who’ve worked hard all of their lives. You need to
step up. I’m judging you. I still think you’re the greatest, but know what? You
could be freaking better. I’m ashamed of you.
Organized Religion. Gummy has
forgotten you. The next one to ask me how Gummy sits with Jesus gets a throat
punch.
Plus there’s a pile of little side
effects.
Sometimes I don’t go to the grocery
store. Can’t squeeze it in. We eat a lot of Panera.
The newspaper goes from the mailbox
straight to the recycling bin because who am I kidding? It’s not going to be
read.
Junk mail just pisses me off. TREES
PEOPLE. STOP. JUST STOP. Send me an email that I’ll never open like everybody
else does.
It’s unlikely that I’ll pick up the
phone for any number other than Gummy’s assisted living, but on the off-chance
a telemarketer gets me, it’s a sad day for them. No. Time. Unless you’re
calling to heal the sick for free, you’d be better off sucking down a glass of
glass than trying to scam me after a long day.
Professional analysis is not needed. My
indecipherable handwriting says WHY DOES PAPERWORK TAKE SO LONG TO FILL OUT?! It
also says THE ONLY WRITING UTENSIL THAT WOULD WORK IN MY DISORGANIZED MESS OF A HOUSE IS THIS CRAYON.
There are more side effects, but it’s
10:30 p.m. and I’m just getting to the shower today. Then I’m going to do
laundry. Also this blog.
Please share your
own side effects, because I know we could keep this up for a long time. Comment if you can feel
me, or if you’re disappointed in economics too.
And here's a puppy, because dementia/Alzheimer's sucks, but dogs. They help.
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