Bandwagon Jumping

S. R. Karfelt

Everything is blurry because there’s coconut oil on my eyeballs. About a year ago I jumped on the coconut oil is good for everything bandwagon. It’s a soft white solid that melts in your hands, and I’m pretty sold on it. So far these are the uses I’ve discovered for coconut oil:

• Cooking. It’s an oil/butter even.
• Moisturizer. Tré cheap. Best I’ve ever used.
• Hair oil. Very. Little. On. Your. Hair.
• Make-up remover. Avoid. Eyeballs. (It doesn’t hurt, just annoying.)
• A jar from the cooking aisle works for everything. I prefer organic, because I jumped on that bandwagon too.

Speaking of the organic bandwagon, do you buy organic? I prefer to because I truly believe the mantra garbage in garbage out. That doesn’t mean that I don’t eat garbage, because I do and my jeans will testify to this fact. If you see me at the grocery store, you’ll see a cart full of:

• Organic fruits
• Organic Vegetables
• Organic Rice
• Organic Whole Grains
• Organic Cereal—the kind you need a set of wooly mammoth teeth to chew, but you won’t get hungry again today if you eat ½ cup of it.
• Ben & Jerry’s ice-cream, because you only live once.
• A family size bag of SmartCorn. #Let’sPretendThisisPartofAHealthyDiet #ItProbablyWon’tLastTheNight

If you spend a few hectic days visiting you’ll find that meals also consist of:

• Panera salads—after a rough day nothing tastes as good as food someone else made fast. You know it’s true.
• Rice Krispy treats I made for the kids and they didn’t finish, so all bets are off. #MomProblems
• Either mine or one of the kid’s emergency dark chocolate stashes. It happens. #WhatKindOfMotherStealsChocolate?
• Take-out from wherever the heck someone wants it and I don’t really care what it’s made out of when I run out of energy inside a pile of paperwork. #RealLife

I’m on the hashtag bandwagon too, btw.

• #ItShows.
• #EasilyEntertained
• #ItDoesn’tTakeMuch
• #NoPunctuationorApostrophesinHashtags
• #Don’tTellMeWhatToDo!

Not to mention the Acronym Bandwagon:

• FYI
• LOLFR – I heard that LOL is the top lie on the Internet, so I add For Real.
• Do you make up your own acronyms? I like GGP instead of BRB.

For awhile I was on the extreme sports bandwagon. Since bruising my tailbone during a mud run (yeah, I was the one on top the fifteen foot mudslide screaming Don’t Be a Girl) I’ve all but lost interest in extreme sports. (She says from a rustic cabin deep in the bush because extreme vacations rock it.) My new extreme sport activities now include:

• Walking my ten thousand healing steps deep in the wilderness.
• Swatting mosquitoes.
• Tripping over tree roots.
• Swatting black flies.
• Scratching.
• Being the first person down a path every morning which gives you the spider web yoga-like freak out stretch. #It’sAThing #GetItOffGetItOff
• Doing the bear-track/moose-track identification and worry during aforementioned walk.
• Finding out that it is actually baby birds you ought to worry about, because their Mamas do not appreciate your admiration. #TheBirdDodgeIsNotADanceMove #BirdsAreRaptors #BelieveIt
• Forcing everyone in the fishing boat to hit the deck every time you cast. #SorrySorry #SpazFishing #It’sAllIGot

S. R. Karfelt

The best part about bandwagon jumping is you can jump on or off any time you like, just tuck and roll on that exit. Is jumping off the bandwagon an extreme sport? Feel free to share your bandwagons, or add to mine. I’d especially like it if you’d make GGP a thing or #SpazFishing.